The Oscars: Nobody Knows Shit by Michael Chase Walker

ImageI was similarly appalled by The Oscar ceremonies and the readiness with which the Academy seems hell-bent on undermining every last shred of credibility and self-respect. Of course, this is the ultimate irony for an industry that thrives on creating and promoting the complete opposite i.e. suspending disbelief. (“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”.)  Yet, of late, the Academy seems dedicated to proving William Goldman’s “Nobody Knows Anything” as its most enduring epitaph. With the utterly ridiculous and unnecessary expansion of Best Picture to ten nominees, to the James Franco Ann Hathaway bungle, to the Brett Ratner fiasco, and now this most recent addition to televised nauseam there is one thing glaringly true, The Academy “knows bupkis” about itself, its audience, its mission, or apparently its cultural identity. It is one thing to be self-effacing, but another to be made to look quizzically ridiculous, and to quote a line from one of Hollywood’s more crowning achievements, The Godfather: ” … She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous. Now you get the hell out of here! And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain’t no bandleader.” The sad reality for The Academy is that when even the Hollywood Foreign Press Association manages to come off classier and more sophisticated than The Oscars it is not only time for a new bandleader, but for the whole guild “family” to “go to the mattresses!”


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